I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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