Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i can't believe i had my finger in that
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
