I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
