Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
