We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
