i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
