All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
