I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
