he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
