It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's official drugs can't kill me
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
