Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize