Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
