were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
