I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my liver is dry heaving
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
