You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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