Will you blow on my dice?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize