i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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