God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
