I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
