nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
