Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
