I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
