just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
