Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
