I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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