Dual....:-)
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
