maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
