Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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