Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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