Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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