just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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