3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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