they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
it glows. i had to have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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