why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So many bounce houses so little time
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
