He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
