i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
