Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
