You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
