I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I will pee on everything he values.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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