It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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