dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
