does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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