Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize