is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
