its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Randomize
