the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
