grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
