I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
