I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
