I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
