quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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