so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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