He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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