I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So squirting runs in the family.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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