u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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