my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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