I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize