dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
