Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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