Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
