the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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